I Was Feeling Distant From God, So This is What I Did

I had just completed a phenomenal 21-day fast and during the very next week, I started to feel the world encroaching on my closeness with God. Somewhere in between denial and concern, the thought came to me that I needed to commit to something that would serve to secure our connection, to protect our flame.

I felt the distance growing between us and it made me feel restless.

It was like coming home from vacation and slowly coming down off of the blissful, peaceful high found in freedom from your to-dos. Except, I was very busy during my fast. God filled me with ideas and fearless energy. There I was, tackling tasks without having to think all of the steps through. I never had a chance to feel overwhelmed. Fervently, I set my hand to the till and buds shot up out of the soil!

I was astounded at the progress I made within the first week of my fast – more than I had accomplished “prayerfully” in months. Given the explosion of clarity and productivity, I was surprised to find that within days of ending my fast, my confidence waned. Distractions and indulgences left me confused and unsure.

I NEEDED More of Him

It’s only as I write this that I realize that it was as if I expected to be able to store up the overflow. Like how our bodies rely on stored fat for fuel after we burn through our available carbs. How many of us use God as a power source, plugging up once a week on Sundays or right before the battery dies, to get us through life?

That’s not a loving relationship. I’m not content with “getting by” off of the aftertaste of when I last partook of Him, rationing out leftovers. I want to live in the overflow.

He Wanted More of Me

As I felt the distance growing between us, it made me feel restless. I missed Him. I wholeheartedly believe that my feeling that way is in direct relation to where I am in my life, where He is calling me to go, and what He is giving me to bring there! His grace and mercy would not allow me to be comfortable in my comfort zone any longer so that He could give me the true desires of my heart. Do you desire to make Him proud? To serve Him well? To love Him in the way He wants to be loved?

I felt like I needed to commit to something that would serve to secure our connection, to protect the flame between me and God.

Lightbulb! Commit to a bible study plan! I initially planned on reading Romans, no real rhyme or reason, only a memory of how good it felt years ago when I sat down with Romans and a notebook, expounding on Paul’s insightful words about our transformation in Christ. I’d start in February, I told myself, February 1st, and I’d share it on social media to keep myself accountable.

The Perfect Pursuit

On January 31st, the night before I was set to begin a documented journey through Romans, I acknowledged a small feeling that there may be a better book to study. I didn’t spend any time, other than a few minutes in thought, looking for alternatives. I just “left it to the wind” so to speak. Shortly after, I opened Twitter and this is one of the first Tweets I read:

I think the books of Deuteronomy and Acts are great studies in this season… this is just my thought.

— Donte Moore ⚔️ (@pstdlmoore_bm) January 31, 2021

From there, I clicked on 2 separate Twitter profiles and the 2nd tweet on the 2nd profile was about the book of Acts. Did you know that Acts is a popular book to study in February because it has 28 Chapters for 28 days? Choosing Acts was fitting in so many ways that I won’t list them. What I will say, is that when you are in alignment with God, He has a way of arranging things, both small and great, for your benefit, in ways you couldn’t have imagined. He weaves your wants and needs together with His purpose, down to minute details, in such a mind-blowing way, that only you, in the center of it all, could understand…

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19