I’m a born creative. I wrote my first poem at the age of 6 and I loved to draw. Growing up, I’d fantasize about being an interior designer, a graphic designer, or even a fashion designer, but I was too afraid to go to school for my passion, fearful of being a “starving artist.”
After graduating with a Bachelor’s in Finance and a minor in management information systems, I had no internship, no aim, and no hope. I (quite literally) found myself trying to make music in a studio in Trenton, New Jersey. With full access and authority to record myself, I spent a lot of time there alone and started to wonder, ‘if a lot of people were listening to me, what would I want to say?’ For me, it was the beginning of pondering purpose, a breeding ground for the pursuit of God.
I wasn’t raised in a church, but Christianity was the only religion I was ever exposed to and I knew they believed in a heaven for believers. That was the only reason I began my search for God in the Bible. I figured I’d start there and research other religions in my quest for the truth of who God was and why I exist. God made himself known to me and I didn’t feel the need to look anywhere else.
I spent months researching the Bible online as I read through it from Genesis, drilling down to the original Hebrew to understand things that didn’t make sense. I visited websites purposed for listing contradictions in the Bible and watched videos about why Jesus was not the Son of God. There were always holes in their theories. Through clinical research, I started to believe that the Bible was true and that the God of the Bible is the Most High God.
One night, on my way home from a revival I was envisioning droves of people walking to eternal fire, the walking dead. I heard a voice, that was not my own, telling me to “tell them.” At that moment it hit me, that God is real and that people don’t know because they are being deceived.
For months, I spent many sleepless nights plotting and planning on how I could deliver the message, the truth that God was real. Throughout that time, He ministered to my heart, a love story of how He made us to belong to him, for closeness. He unfolded within me, an understanding of the deity of Christ, to the point where I feel like it’s written in my DNA that I belong to Him.
I’ve experienced God – I’ve known him and been known by him. One time in fasting and prayer, something told me that that the close walk I desired to have with God would be lonely. And I cried. I bawled actually. From then on I was slowly given over to the desire to belong to a man and a fear of life without a husband.
Eventually, I met someone who loved me in a way I had yet to experience. He proposed to me within the first couple of months and less than a year later I was pregnant. I ended up having to cancel our wedding before our son was born.
As a single mother I’ve been under relentless attack from the enemy, fiery darts of shame and disgrace impaired my boldness, stifled my compulsion to testify of our Holy Father. But lo and behold, his attacks have driven me right back into a close embrace with God!
Now here I am, full circle, no husband, but a baby instead, pursuing my passion, fully dependent on God, and ever grateful for this close walk with him!